Why You’re Not Confident

Xperience Growthblogposts

Confidence is born from our beliefs.

Think about it. If you believe that you’re good at something, you’re probably confident in that. The flip side, if you don’t believe you’re good at something, you’re probably not very confident.

So, if confidence comes from beliefs, where do beliefs come from? Beliefs come from decisions that are made. We make and accept a decision and we’ll begin to form beliefs that are aligned with that decision.

When I was a kid, I made a decision that I wasn’t good at math. I’m not consciously sure exactly when it happened. I do remember a time near the end of my 2nd grade year, the “advanced” math students started doing multiplication. I was in another room still working on addition & subtraction. Not sure if I made the decision there or that circumstance reinforced an early decision I made.

Regardless, the decision led me to believe that math was hard for me and that I would struggle to get it. I was not a confident math student. As my schooling progressed, the math continued to require more skills. A lack of confidence in my ability permeated my thoughts.

With that energy towards math, my performance in the subject suffered. I was fighting the uphill battle in my mind all the time. I’m sure you’re not surprised to hear my math grades did not help my GPA.

Here’s the linear path: decisions —> beliefs —> confidence (or lack thereof) —> performance —> results.

To answer the statement posed in the headline (why you’re not confident): confidence is rooted in a decision that was made. So, if you have confidence in something, you made a decision that supports the feeling. If your confidence is low in something, you made that decision, too.

To be sure, it’s painful to feel less than confident. It also affects your performance, which affects results.

This begs a better question: how do I turn my confidence around? It’s a simple 3 step process:

  1. Examine your beliefs. Ask yourself “what do I have to believe for me to feel this lack of confidence?” Uncover the underlying belief that allows your confidence to be where it’s at.
  2. Find & let go of the decision. Beliefs stem from decisions that are made. When you find the belief, ask yourself “when did I decide that?” You might be surprised that a decision will reveal itself. When you find the decision, simply decide that it doesn’t have meaning or make a different decision completely. You’ll find decisions are easy to make since we’re used to making decisions all the time.
  3. Allow beliefs to evolve or suspend. When you can rethink the root decision, it gives you space to believe something else. Sometimes that evolution happens naturally. Other times, you need more evidence. Suspend the belief so that you can perform better and notice the different results you’ll get.

Once your decision and beliefs change, your confidence will naturally rise. You’ll jump into a virtuous cycle of prosperity, growth & success brimming from your increase in confidence.

I put a comprehensive 1 minute video summary on my Instagram. Check it out here! While you’re there, give me a follow. I post tips & inspiration to be happy & successful at work & life.

Let’s come full circle on my math journey. I made a different decision about math as an adult in business. Now, I actually like working through equations. I can create and look at profit & loss sheets, financial projections and run analysis. I’ve cultivated and used math-based tools to grow my businesses & investment portfolios. I even use my math skills to help clients grow theirs. I went from “I’m not good at math” to “Oh, I can figure this out.”

Is a lack of confidence holding you back from greater success at work or affecting your happiness? Book a free call with me to boost your confidence and apply it to work & beyond.