Tom Brady is the winningest Super Bowl quarterback in NFL history. The 7-times Super Bowl winner is defined by his successes on the field.

He also lost. Quite a bit. In his own words, he said he’s failed “like thousands of times.”

LeBron James just surpassed Kobe Bryant in an all-time NBA stat. Can you guess what it is? It’s the most shots missed in NBA history – over 14 thousand. Two of the greatest players to ever play the game, arguably the best in their era, are 1st and 2nd for the most shots missed.

None of us would categorize Brady, Bryant or James as failures. They are all successful at the highest levels possible.

Failure is a mental construct. It only exists in our minds. And it’s a learned response for something not happening based on our expectations or desires.

Martin Covington of the University of California at Berkeley research shows that the negative symptoms associated with failure stem from it triggering a negative view of our self-worth.

We don’t fear or dislike failure because of the result, we fear or dislike it IF it stokes feelings of worthlessness.

The two main ways to approach the potential of failure are fairly straightforward: embracing the possibility or avoidance. Clearly the avoidance route is a recipe for a short-term reprieve from emotional turmoil, yet a long term strategy for lacking achievement and even confidence.

So, that begs the question, how do we embrace the possibility of failure and take the actions that might lead us to fail?

#1: Adopt a learner’s mindset

Embrace learning for the sake of learning, not learning for achievement.

When I work with executive coaching clients, I routinely ask what they learned. Recently a client created a weekly goal of essentially doubling the number of sales calls. It was their goal, not mine. The following week, they didn’t hit it. I pressed them on what they learned. We got to the bottom of what actually led to the “failure” and worked with them on that problem.

I employ a similar concept when people hit goals. I want to know what is learned from the result – regardless if the result is what you wanted or didn’t want. That way, we can take the learning and apply it to the next set of challenges. This creates the virtuous cycle of leveling up and maximizing accomplishments.

#2: Give self-compassion

This seems counterintuitive to some, yet forgiving yourself or otherwise being compassionate with yourself after a result didn’t go your way increases the likelihood of you bouncing back.

Kristin Neff, a preeminent researcher on self-compassion, says people that are self-compassionate or more resilient in the face of hardship and show more grit, motivation and determination. Moreover, they cope with the challenges and are more effective at their jobs.

This is not the realm of giving yourself a pass. It’s being able to accept when things don’t go your way and instead letting it keep you down, you can give yourself a proverbial pep talk and get back after it.

#3. Focus on actions; not results

Control what is in your control and allow that to be your sole focus.

The reality to what most of us would view as a failure is that we don’t have control over it. The outcomes are what we hang our hat on. Did you lose the game? Failure. Did you miss the sales goal? Failure. Neither losing the game or missing the sales goals are in your control. Your influence? Probably. Not in your control.

When you focus on the results, you give your emotional energy to something that you don’t have control over. It’s like handing the keys to your emotional state to the weather.

Instead, focus on the actions that you’re taking. Use the results as the guide to tell you how to change your actions. Yet, keep the focus on your actions. The Thomas Edison quote rings true here: “I have not failed 10,000 times – I’ve just found 10,000 ways it won’t work.” In that spirit, he was only focused on his actions and making adjustments, not providing a commentary when the bulb didn’t light.

Anyone doing anything of importance is going to face setbacks, challenges and obstacles. When you attach your self-worth and allow your emotional state to be rocked by missing a target, you’ll experience failure. How you deal with the inevitable setbacks and your viewpoint of failure will be directly proportional to your ultimate success and certainly to your fulfillment & wellbeing.