During the Xperience Growth Summit, Xperience Director of Expansion Katie Benson delivered powerful content around influencing the mind of the prospect that she gained from her coach, Kate Patulski. 

She started the conversation by asking, “How many of you have noticed that even within yourself that when you feel more uncertainty, you tend to react more emotionally and more reactive than when you’re certain of a potential outcome?” She pointed out, “That’s exactly what is happening to your clients or the people that you lead.”

Understand that unless somebody is thinking they don’t make a decision. We can’t talk at people or we will never create a position of influence. 

So, how do we create that influence? 

First, you must look at the prerequisites of influence. 

1. Respect for the other person’s model of the world. 

2. Resistance in the client is a sign of lack of rapport. There are no resistant clients, only inflexible communicators. 

3. People are NOT their behaviors. Accept the person and work to change the behavior. 

4. Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available to them. Every behavior is motivated by a positive intent. If someone has unresourceful behavior, it is coming from positive intent you can change the thinking that is driving the behavior. 

5. Calibrate on behavior — stop going by how you feel and start going by “what” does their behavior tell me?” 

6. People have all the resources they need to succeed and achieve the desired outcomes. Communicate in such a way that creates clarity and clears the path to making decisions. Create a resourceful state for your listener. 

7. There is only feedback. Feedback is not failure, it’s just feedback, it’s communication.

8. The meaning of communication is the response you get. If you can operate from this space, you will always have more personal power. 

To gain the influence, you must build rapport. Here are seven ways to create instant rapport:

1. It’s all about them!

2. Maintain eye contact 70% of the time. 

3. Make sure that you listen intently. 

4. Lower your voice tone. 

5. Listen beyond words. 

6. Limit your movements. 

7. Mirror.