The Problem with Deserving

Xperience Growthblogposts

There’s a fundamental problem that I see with clients and people in general. It’s a problem that I’ve wrestled with, too.

It’s the feeling of deserving.

It doesn’t happen so much in the everyday. Most people that I encounter believe they are deserving of most things. Quality food, a good career, an awesome home, friendship, family, even the finer things in life, love (for the most part…) and on.

Yet, it’s when we get to our edges of what we think is possible for ourselves, this idea of not deserving creeps in. It’s our ego keeping us in check, not allowing us to become our greatest.

Any assertions of lack of deservingness are false. Many times, though, we don’t use that exact language. We’ll say things like “I’m not that…” or “I don’t know if I can…” or “I’m just not able to…” or something in that ballpark. Even if you don’t say those things out loud, many of us have the dialog in our minds.

The problem

The big problem is that it holds us back. If there’s an underlying feeling of lack of deservingness, you’ll be unlikely to go for the greatest achievements. Your unconscious mind, in an effort to do its job and keep you safe, will limit exposing you to something that you don’t think is possible in the first place.

You’ll be met with floundering or settling.

Regardless if you’re floundering or just settling, the mental & emotional toll can be similar. It leads to burnout, feelings of guilt or shame, emotional bypassing, apathy and other retractions from joy.

Those feelings of demoralization will lead to us lacking resilience to adversity, which will perpetuate the cycle. All of this stemming from the lack of deserving feeling. 

The truth is that we’re all deserving.

What makes you deserving

In short nothing and everything makes you deserving of your potential greatness.

Born in each of us is a limitless potential. It transcends our ego into something bigger. If you have a religious tradition, the deserving comes from God. If you have a spirituality practice, you are deserving from the universe, energy or Higher Self. If you can dream it, you are deserving of it.

Tapping into inner faith will allow you to be able to express that full You.

Deserving is not enough

However, deserving alone won’t get you there.

The fact is that your greatness is earned. It requires you to push past the edges of where you’ve gone before. Be tenacious in the pursuit.

To earn something means that you’ve done something. The bigger the action, the bigger the result.

Stephen Curry is regarded as one of the best shooters in basketball from any era. He averages over 24 points per game over his career. And he makes over 40% of the 3 pointers he takes. That is nearly 20% more than the NBA average.

It’s estimated that he’s taken over 3 million practice shots in the past 20 years of playing in college & NBA. Therefore, the 8,000 3 point attempts during games is 0.2% of all the shots he’s taken. He earns the title of “best” through the 99.8% of all the shots he takes when there’s no fan and no cameras.

Earning stars with deserving

Curry no doubt believes he deserves the opportunity to be considered one of the greatest shooters of all time. Because of that unwavering belief, he puts in the work to earn the label and then is able to fight the natural adversity during the games to obtain the accolades he is a) deserving of and b) has earned.

Just like Steph you deserve the greatness of your full potential. We all do.

You deserve it. Now, go out and earn it!