Where does confidence come from? Many times our personal confidence comes as a result of what other people say to us or do for us. Here’s how it plays out… we do something. Someone says “good job.” We take that kind word and turn it into confidence.
And that works. Until it doesn’t.
What happens when we do something and someone doesn’t offer a kind word? Or worse, they offer words that we take as unkind? You already know that we take those sentiments we believe to be negative and tear down our confidence.
In short, if we look external for our confidence, we’ll not find lasting confidence.
Instead, we can cultivate confidence from within ourselves. When our confidence comes from within, our confidence is stronger and less determined by what we think other people think about us.
The reason that we look outside of ourselves for confidence can be brought about from our ego. In the book “New Earth” best-selling author Ekhart Tolle sums up how the ego works in this regard: “The ego’s sense of self-worth is in most cases bound up with the worth you have in the eyes of others.” It’s the egos that looks for validation or creates validation through comparing yourself to others.
The ego is made up of things that we think, feel and the perceptions that shape those thoughts and emotions. Egos love “better.” Better house, better car, better job, better partner, better business and so on. And when the perception is that we’re “better than” it creates confidence.
Yet, when we’re not “better than” we run the risk of losing confidence in that same way we achieved it.
The good news is that the ego lives in our heads and we determine how much power to give it, when to listen to it and when to ignore it.
You see, the ego is made up of things that we think, feel and the perceptions that shape thoughts and emotions. (Maybe you’ve read that somewhere before ⬆⬆). And, those are fleeting… your thoughts come and go, emotions come and go, perceptions change. That means that we are more than our egos. We are able to rise above it and see our bigger picture.
Our bigger picture is where inner confidence resides.
When you see the bigger picture above your ego, we’re not looking for the comparison to create your confidence. You find confidence that is already within you.
Tapping into this confidence is not difficult, though it does require intentionality.
#1: Drop the judgments of yourself and the comparison to others. Realize that we are all on our individual journeys along the same path. In that frame of reference, the world is set-up to create a win/win for us all.
#2: All situations create two things: opportunity and learning. When you view everything through a lease of opportunity & learning and create your actions based on that, confidence will come naturally.
#3: Peace is synonymous with confidence. When we are at peace with ourselves, our confidence is high. Peyton Manning has said that his confidence on the field came from his belief that he prepared for each game as much as he could. He was at peace with his preparation, which gave him the confidence during the game.
Here’s my challenge for you. Take these 3 concepts for inner confidence and apply them. How do these 3 work in a key relationship? What can creating inner confidence do for your wealth? What do these 3 intentions look like for your health?
When you take these intentions and play them out in life, confidence happens and your success simply becomes a byproduct.