It was just moments into the coaching call when I knew something was off with my client on the other end of the zoom. The pleasant smile couldn’t hide the disappointment.

An hour before we connected, a team member told my client they were leaving the team. Feeling down & upset is a typical and rather normal reaction. My client was bummed.

Setbacks happen all the time. Regardless of if the setback was our fault or factors outside of our span of control or influence determined the outcome, we routinely get dealt unfavorable results.

When that happens, we can get into the weeds of disappointment. At which time we tend to look through that lens and everything can start to become clouded. We focus on the upset feelings and our mind can warp our perspective such that we start seeing disappointment in more places. Even if that disappointment is misplaced.

Neuroscience has proven that the brain sends signals that shape the way that we see the world. When our stress response is firing because we’re ruminating over something, our minds are actively searching for dangers in our environment. Everything is viewed through the lens of that feeling of disappointment.

We’re in the weeds. It’s hard to see the progress that we’re making when we get hit with the setback. We focus on the setback and stew on the setback instead of seeing the progress that we’re making.

The key to not allowing that negative emotion to permeate your vision is to look at the long arch and not at the moment. Fly above the trees so that you’re not in the weeds.

I asked my client what changes they’ve made over the past few months. Upon reflecting, they agreed they’ve made significant changes in developing their team. A newer member is devoting a lot of effort in recruiting for new talent and is exceeding the goals to hit a home run. The systems are in a better place to grow a stronger team than have ever been there. The business is on a trajectory that it’s never been on.

The moment that my client noticed the arch of the journey, they realized that, while they were disappointed in the setback of the day, it wasn’t an indication of their trajectory.

What’s the problem?

The big problem in being in the weeds is that it clouds judgment. If we begin to perceive that things are not going well, we might give up. We might alter the course. We’ll take less action.

Imagine had my client convinced themselves that they are not going in the direction they should be going and that it’s all just a futile attempt at a rate of growth they are simply not destined to achieve. I think we’ve all experienced these moments where self-doubt wins the day.

In actuality, the long game looks promising. We just can’t see it if we’re focused on the negative outcome of the day.

How to Get Above the Trees

Here’s a few simple ways to ensure that you can get a better perspective on an unfortunate outcome.

#1: Look back at where you’ve come from. There’s great science to prove that we feel a greater sense of excitement when we gain the perspective of how far we’ve come vs. seeing how far we have to go. We feel momentum when the finish line appears closer than it once was.

#2. Focus on actions; not outcomes. University of Georgia football coach Kirby Smart was asked about the fact that his upcoming game against Tennessee is essentially a make or break game for getting into the football playoffs and competing for a national championship. Coach Smart said he and the team don’t think about that at all. Instead, they focus on who they are playing and what their team can do to win.

Our task is to stay in action. Action keeps us feeling like we are and actually are moving forward.

#3. Learn from results. Take a perspective of what you can learn from a result. Did it work out how you wanted? Great, what should you do more of? Was the result not desired? Okay, what changes can you make to help the next result be more favorable? We are not dwelling on misfortune, We’re contributing to our growth.

Create awareness for when you slip into the weeds of disappointment or other negative emotions when the chips don’t fall your way. Remind yourself that the weeds will only create more negativity. Decide how to lift yourself up over the trees.

If you find yourself derailed by disappointment, let’s chat to see if executive performance coaching might give you the tools you need to get rid of the disappointment that holds you back and find the perspectives that will translate into your biggest wins . Book a discovery call with Coach Carter to learn more.