On a recent cold weekend morning, my 8-year-old daughter and I were making an early grocery store run. The specialty grocery store that we went to happened to be near a childhood favorite of mine – Krispy Kreme Doughnuts.
Given the time of day, I knew the red “hot light” would be on at Krispy Kreme, which is a beacon to let everyone know that their original glazed doughnuts are being made and you can get them hot.
It was a treat! We went into the shop and the person behind the counter immediately gave us each a free hot doughnut right off the conveyor belt. It was so good, practically melting in your mouth. And, I got to see my daughter delight in her doughnut, too.
After getting a few more doughnuts to bring home, I pointed out the doughnut-making process that you can see through the windows into the kitchen. I was sharing with my daughter something that has been a special part of my life since I was her age.
At that moment, I found happiness.
Like any emotion or feeling that we are experiencing, happiness is derived from our mind in response to an external or internal stimulus. Emotional response comes about through a process of our mind quickly filtering making sense of the inputs from our environment.
This experience contained many of the markings of happiness. First off, the doughnut itself is enough to make you feel happy in that moment as you take the first amazing bite. The nostalgia I feel being in a Krispy Kreme brings about happiness remembering my youth going there and even working with Krispy Kreme for a bit. On top of that, sharing something meaningful to me with my daughter takes the experience to another level of happiness.
This experience of getting a hot doughnut contained many of the markers for producing happiness. The sensory experience of the doughnut, my perception of being the shop and me sharing with & teaching my daughter about Krispy Kreme certainly triggered a larger sense of purpose. Any of those can spark happiness. Getting all in one experience levels it up.
We can use strategies for finding happiness. Below are four strategies that are researched-based for finding & experiencing happiness.
Contrast
We judge experience via the lens of contrast. There’s a famous study of Olympic medalists that shows the happiest medalists – by doing a detailed look at body language on the podium – are often times that bronze winner. As it turns out, gold medalists experience more relief that they met an expectation or finally realized a lifelong dream. Silver winners are often the unhappiest because they compare themselves to the gold medalist. The bronze, they contrast their place by looking at the fact they could have not won a medal at all. Because of the contrast, bronze is really happy.
We are always using contrast to make sense of where we are in the world – especially socially. Too often, we contrast ourselves with people we think have more and then experience a negative emotion about ourselves.
Place more emphasis on contrasts of your life arch. Are you in a better spot today and a year ago? Find positive contrasts that promote happiness.
Sensory
When we eat yummy food, feel warm sunshine, and listen to pleasing music, we are having a sensory experience.
Enjoyable sensory experiences create happiness. The challenge to all of us is looking for those sensory experiences in our everyday lives so that we can have a lift in happiness.
Even though these experiences are short lived – the ice cream no longer creates happiness once you’re finished – they can be great ways to find some happiness in the moments of the day.
Perception
I love public speaking. Somehow it’s fun for me. However, speaking in public is one of the biggest fears in the Western world. Instead of fearing it, I find public speaking exhilarating.
It’s simply due to perception. I perceive speaking in public as fun, exciting, exhilarating. I cannot pinpoint why. As a child, I was given opportunities to be in front of classes, churches, etc. I’m sure I was praised for it – both from peers, family and teachers. Maybe that created a positive association that I still carry today.
Ask yourself, what you perceive as happiness. Consider environments, activities, people, etc. As you think through those environments, plan to put yourself in those environments consistently to promote your happiness.
Purpose
Purpose creates lasting and the deepest feelings of happiness. Purpose is found when you are engaged in something you feel is bigger than yourself that drives personal meaning to you.
When I was in the Krispy Kreme showing my daughter all about the shop and how they make doughnuts, I was living a purpose of sharing meaningful knowledge with her. We were also connecting and sharing an experience.
Find what is personally meaningful for you outside of yourself. Typically, purpose is found in the company of or in service of other people. I often volunteer with the Special Olympics. It is such a happy experience – regardless if I’m hauling equipment around or having difficult conversations with coaches or family around an event being delayed – I am happy because I know I’m doing my best to make a positive impact in the lives of the athletes competing.
Like the cliche suggests, happiness truly is an inside job. When we can find positive contrasts, have great sensory experiences, perceive our actives & situations positively and live into our purpose, we’ll be able to find our happiness anytime we choose.