This week we celebrated my youngest daughter’s 5th birthday. Her name is Grace.

Like her name would suggest, she is a loving, thoughtful, kind-hearted person. She is the snuggly kid. She is sensitive and attuned to her environment and shows signs of being solutions oriented when problems arise.

Grace is obviously a name and a word with direct roots to thousands of years ago. The idea of grace is steeped in ancient wisdom and is found at the center of many religious practices. In the traditions of these beliefs, grace is bestowed on us by a higher power and guides us or provides a path toward a place of wholeness.

I appreciate the concept of grace being something that is not necessarily earned by our merits, yet we still deserve to receive. Moreover, we receive grace in spite of our actions or even our thoughts.

Our little Grace embodies this idea. Her older sister will torment her on occasions. Ellee, the older sister, will not let Grace do something with her, like watch a show on her iPad or play with a long-forgotten toy that is technically Ellee’s. Of course, this upsets Grace. Yet, just as often, shortly following the selfishness displayed by the eldest, Grace will make up a game or a play scenario and actively include Ellee. This is unearned grace in action.

While I take a moment to celebrate my daughter, it’s a great reminder of the importance of grace in our lives.

The dictionary contains many specific definitions of grace. Most are nouns. Among the definitions are: elegance of movement; courteous goodwill, unmerited favor of God; the period allowed for payment; short prayer before a meal. The verb grace is to honor someone with your presence – i.e. to “grace us with your presence.”

To use grace in our lives – to follow the lead of our little Grace – I believe grace to be active. We must actively and intentionally give grace. 

Unearned Grace

My working definition of grace that I attempt to live up to is the concept of an unearned blessing. It’s what I have to offer people and myself.

The ability to actively give grace comes from the universal truth that we are all doing the best we can with the resources currently available. We all possess everything we need, we simply are working with the resources we have at each moment.

Grace is hugely important for a number of reasons. It allows us to foster deep relationships. It allows us to take risks. It allows us to summon more grit in the face of adversity. It gives us power because we must choose to give it even when it’s unmerited.

Give Grace to Others

Giving grace to others requires compassion and empathy. A leader was recounting a negotiation where the representative on the other side communicates their points in a way that feels condescending. The conversations and emails with the other rep frustrates and angers the leader. The moment that they give into that anger, they lose their cool and more importantly their power. They are not able to deliver their best to get to a win-win.

The remedy here is giving grace. Clearly, this representative has not earned grace. Yet, when you provide that grace or compassion for someone that either is an unskilled communicator or is battling some internal battle that is manifesting into condescension, you are free of the anger and can live in your power.

We deserve to be empowered. Wielding grace for others is a source of great empowerment.

Give Grace to Yourself

We deserve to give ourselves grace. Even when we let our own self down.

Self-compassion is a cornerstone of high achievement. We let our shortcomings go. Without self-compassion, we’ll live in fear of messing up. We’ll focus too much and worry too much about results than of the actions that we’re taking.

Grace for yourself allows you to live in the present moment, without litigating the past or anxiety over not getting the outcome that you want. Being in the moment, without concern, fully focused and immersed in an activity is the recipe for massive success. Grace is the underpinning of that.

Give Grace with Boundaries

One of the pushbacks I hear around the idea of giving grace to others is that idea that we’ll accept bad behavior. We’ll let people treat us poorly or not get a job done. Or we’ll let ourselves slack and abate our duties.

While that is possible, grace does not mean that we let our standards down. In fact, we can hold our standards even higher when we give grace.

When you fail, grace allows you to take a lesson from the failure and not beat yourself up. Grace looks “Okay. I messed that up. What do I need to do to make that change.” I haven’t earned compassion, yet by giving it to myself, I can more easily get back on track.

With others, we have the ability to stand-up for ourselves. Grace gives us the ability to say “They don’t have the resources to do right by me at this moment. However, I can do something about it.” That doing something is an example of our power.

We teach our Grace to be “kind, yet firm” when she needs to stand up for herself. She is becoming great at stating when she does not like something. She quickly lets the transgression go once it’s been righted and provides the unearned grace that goes with her name.

We are so fortunate to have our little Grace be a shining example of what the action of grace looks like. In honor of her birthday, I invite you, my dear reader, to embody grace this week.