“Why does this keep happening to me?”

It’s a question that we ask ourselves in so many words. And it’s the wrong question. The question needs to be, “why do I keep doing this to myself?”

I meet with people all the time that have trouble getting over the plateau. They hit the wall and feel stuck. It shows up in our business when we can’t grow what we want to grow and how we want to grow it. It shows up in our relationships when we seem to miss connections.

The reverberating question is “why does this happen?” “Why can’t I get past [fill in the blank].”

One of the biggest lessons that we seem to have to re-learn is that we’re the real reason for our struggle. We are the cause.

Having this understanding – that we are the cause of our real problems – is the key first step to moving past the obstacles in our way. Once we can come to terms that we are creating our problem, we can actually solve it and get the results we want.

Being at cause is taking ownership of our thoughts, emotional state and the actions you take. When we’re in any situation, our minds filter through the information it’s receiving to make sense of what is going on. That filtration process creates the thoughts, feelings & actions we experience. Therefore, we are responsible – or at cause – for our response.

That creates the cause. It’s not the external events, it’s how we process them.

As an example, if you and I are both driving on the highway and a car cuts each other off. You don’t really have a reaction, it’s a non event for you. Yet, at the same event, I lose my mind. It’s not the car cutting us off that is the problem. It’s our actions that’s the problem.

Believing that we are not at cause for our thoughts, feelings, and actions keeps us in the stuck position. We don’t believe that we have the ability to create change; therefore, we don’t.

Our job is simply to take responsibility for ourselves. We cannot be responsible for other people, the state of the world. The people that I meet with and coach must see that they don’t control what happens around them and that they have control of what happens inside them.

We must believe that we have all the resources we need to be successful – to move past the obstacles. That’s true, you do!

With a resourceful mindset, you can bring yourself back to cause.

Here’s a few ways to remain at cause and move from feeling stuck over something.

Remember a time

Think back to a similar situation in the past that you’re in now. What resources did you use to move past it. Or what did you learn there that you can apply now? We all have experiences and with them comes the wisdom to overcome current obstacles.

What can I do?

We can always do something. The question to ask is “what can I do now?” This question will produce options for you. Options feel expansive, rather than restrictive. With options, you’ll naturally feel a greater sense of control and will help keep you at cause for how you think, feel, and act.

Set boundaries

It’s true that you cannot control other people. You can influence, yet not control. Sometimes you need boundaries to allow you to thrive. If someone is constantly raining on your parade, you might invest in an umbrella to keep from getting wet.

I’ll close this article with one of the best questions for empowerment at cause… “What if nothing was happening to you and everything was happening for you?”

You got this!